Their reasons follow: 1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.
Comment A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? Men use them to have safe sex. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these for?
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March. Comment The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport.
- The Fabulous Showman : A Biography of P. T. Barnum?
- Stupid Laws of Ohio: Funny Laws in OH From the Past and Present?
- Reader Interactions.
- Cassiela (Abbey of Angels Book 2);
- German proverbs - Wikiquote?
- Sport jobs in the sector marketing | pemilusydney.org.au.
Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so the chauffeur climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel. The Pope proceeds to hop on Route 95 and starts accelerating to see what the limo could go. Well, he gets to about 90 miles per hour and,WHAM! There are the blue lights of our friendly State Police in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.
Well, the trooper, seeing who it was, says "just a moment please I need to call in. Comment An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Peter checks his dossier and says: "Ah, you're an engineer, but you worked for a high-tech startup company and got rich.
Fick Nathaniel C's Documents - phiuverntasubc.tk
You've had too good of a life, so now you can't come in here. Pretty soon, the engineer is dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. The computers are all upgraded and there are speaker wires running to every room. Even the clocks on the VCRs are set. The engineer becomes a pretty popular guy. One day God calls up Satan on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell? We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators.
The computers are faster than ever and we've got music in every room. There's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next. You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there! Send him back up here, now. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him. Comment The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer.
The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way? Comment Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic School. After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious look on his face.
He doesn't kiss his mother hello. His mother is amazed.
She calls him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for sometime, day after day while the mother tries to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Tommy brings home his report card.
He quietly lays it on the table and goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math. She can no longer hold her curiosity. She goes to his room and says: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns? Little Tommy looks at her and says, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.
Comment The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish Euro for short.
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "W" by "V". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru. Comment The thread is so long that I haven't checked whether this joke has been told: A man is lying in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse enters his room to sponge his face and hands. Jones, I'm only here to wash your face and hands.
Immanuel Kant: Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals
I'm only here to wash your face and hands. Er geht tiefer und sichtet eine Frau am Boden. Tatsache ist, dass Sie in exakt der gleichen Lage sind wie vor unserem Treffen, aber jetzt bin irgendwie ich schuld! Wieder ruft man ihn: "Hey, du da! Das darf nicht wahr sein, denkt er, aber der Frosch spricht wieder: "Hey, du, ich bin eine verzauberte Prinzessin. Comment g: Ich kenn den mit Informatikern: "Frauen gibt es viele, aber ein sprechender Frosch ist cool Comment Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table.
A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude. I WON! With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll? Comment A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. That hurts, too. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis: "You have a broken finger.
The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc. Of course, if these don't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep. Comment A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast.